On Being the Pivot Person In a Workplace Circle Jerk By Email

Mind you, Slacker cannot be bothered to answer the switchboard (she IS after all, the RECEPTIONIST) or put away supplies when they are delivered, or ensure we get our mail from next door, or make sure the outgoing mail GOES OUT, but fuck all, yes. By all means, let's have a circle jerk via email about supplies purchasing. Also worth noting, we only have a staff of THREE of us. Generally speaking the other two of us (non-Slacker) try not to be out of the office at precisely the same time. This, as they say in the vernacular is a NONSTARTER. Fuck her sideways.

Now, the circle jerk in question, I present to you, the email from the Slacker:

From: Slacker
Sent: Wednesday, June 18, 2014 3:26 PM
To: Me (and CC: TheWorkHorse)
Subject: [Left blank]

Should you be out of the office and someone needs to place an order for supply. Who and where should I contact to place the order?

From: Me
Sent: Wednesday, June 18, 2014 3:27 PM
To: Slacker

I believe Mary is my alternate.

From: Slacker
Sent: Wednesday, June 18, 2014, 3:28 PM
To: Me

Okay, should both you and your alternate be out of the office, and I need to place an order, who and where should I contact?

From: Me
Sent: Wednesday, June 18, 2014, 3:29 PM
Forwarded To: Mary

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?

END NOTE: I refuse, on principle, to reply back to the Slacker. Why should I tell her about supplies purchasing? It's not like she actually does any work around here. Just counting down the days until she springs yet another pregnancy on us.