YOU might be an asshole IF:
You have EITHER:
1. Emailed me a picture of your morning bowel movement (and emailed it to my WORK email address. And by "bowel movement" I mean precisely that: BEHOLD!!! IT IS SANS TP!!!!);
2. Relentlessly called me AT WORK, on my cell, and texted me about how your fecal impaction was essentially holding you hostage (FOR SEVERAL DAYS, despite me giving you advice how to avoid such a predicament), and finally relent, and go to the hospital after TWO DAYS with a turd turtle head that refused to break off or go back in.
Yes, madams (YES! This involves two different people), you are certifiable assholes.