Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Mavenism of the Moment: Friend... or "FAUX?"

Yes. "Faux." Not to be confused with foe. In this context, "faux" would be those people you appear "friendly enough" to skirt the issue that you find them tedious as fucking a mud puddle, but you have to maintain some measure of professional courtesy because they are the first person you see when entering your workplace (for example).  

So it's uncharacteristically disingenuous as fuck for me to "faux-friend" this person, but it'd be more cruel for me to be even more blunt and tell him why. Smile, nod, keep things short, and get the fuck out of Dodge first chance I can get. 

I don't mind long philosophical conversations or even long conversations about slice of life or absurdity--but this drain? I get enough of it from my own mother, I don't need to outsource crazy, abusive, narcissism... and well? TIME WASTER.

For example: 

I've been working here since St. Patrick's Day (roughly two and a half months). One of our doormen is Haitian. While normally I love a French accent and find it continental and sexy and sometimes sophisticated, I've now downgraded this wuss to "faux." 

He is a 40 year old man who whines endlessly about how his mother abuses him and his kindness. While, yes, I *have* informed him,  "NUT UP MAN, YOU ARE IN YOUR FORTIES! NIP THAT SHIT IN THE BUD!" he continues with the whining. Nothing worse than a grown assed man acting like a powerless, neutered little boy. A whining, powerless little boy who pronounces friend as "FWEND."  And this is inescapable, as he starts every interaction with, "My fwend..."

Bottom line is, he's become a drain on me, my patience, my attention span, and has become a time waster.

I have now taken to staggering my lunch hour by a scant five minutes, so when I approach the lobby, people are already engaging him in conversation, and by the time I am done with my soup and ready to head back up to my office at 2:05, he's already progressed onto his next work station elsewhere for the remainder for the day.

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What sayeth thou? (Mean people suck, don't fuck it up.)

"I hate people."
"People" stop being "people" when they become friends.
Friends stop being friends when they become assholes.
So to refine my hatred, I hate people and I hate assholes.