Thursday, August 7, 2014

Zero Fucks With Which To Give

Recently, I've come to the realization I'm pretty much unflappable. Not a fucking flap to be found.

This little tale will detail the increasing issue of road rage in the White Plains area. This is the second event of this kind that I've born witness to, and of course, there's not a cop to be found. 

This incident happened in downtown White Plains between the intersection of Main/Mamaroneck and Church Street, an adjacent side street.

So yesterday I found myself at an intersection. Middle lane of three. Left lane would have been optimal, as I was going to make a right then a quick left onto the side street. At the light, I put my blinker on, and as soon as it turned green, I gunned the motor, as the car to my left was lagging a smidge.

In my attempt to get over to the left lane, that driver finally woke up or dislodged his thumb from his rectum and decided he, too, was going to gun it into my blind spot, attempting to bully his way, and afford me zero courtesy to make my left.

Quickly as this is all unfolding, as I approach the side street, it APPEARS as if I can make a left in that lane, too. And I continue with my plan. Meanwhile he's in my blind spot, making his left, only once on the side street, there are cars parked on the street in metered spots, so he quickly made that left, only for it to fuck him up that I made mine.

I come to the traffic light which is red, but my mistake was I did not pull all the way up to the stop line. Sir Asshole sidles up next to me and motions to me to roll my window down. I shake my head no. He's aghast. And angry. Obviously I'm impeding his ability to tell me off.

I roll my window down and say, "I had my blinker on, and thought both lanes were left turn lanes." Of course, he launches into his tirade, and I promptly roll up my window.

Of course, he will not abide this aggression! Oh no! He has to nudge his car up and askew, and PARKS HIS CAR IN MY LANE THUS IMPEDING TRAFFIC, all to come over to my driver's window, which is rolled up and the car locked down tighter than a duck's ass, all to berate me and my driving.

Me and my bitchy resting face are in full effect, full on cool as a cuke mode. Honestly, I don't know how! IS THIS WHAT BEING A GROWN UP IS?

I mean, I could totally predict all the events happening. I could see it happening in my head, and VOILA! HAPPENING!

And, again, cool as a cuke, I roll my window down about 2 inches, and say loud enough for him to hear, "Yes, yes, and arguing about this is ACCOMPLISHING SO MUCH!" and I promptly roll the window up.

He blurts out an impotent,"Bitch!"  And I smile, and nod in agreement!

It was so awesome, but I think I'm going to investigate carrying mace, because "what if" he actually broke my window and tried to assault me, or somehow gained access to my car and tried to assault me?


  1. What a monstrous jerk. People who can't control themselves are why many among us carry heavy duty protection with us c

  2. Oh yes. I'm going to get myself some mace/pepper spray. Too many people with too much rage and zero impulse control.


What sayeth thou? (Mean people suck, don't fuck it up.)

"I hate people."
"People" stop being "people" when they become friends.
Friends stop being friends when they become assholes.
So to refine my hatred, I hate people and I hate assholes.