Shit I've Said To My Husband

Me:    Honey, can you get me a Zantac?
Him:  Huh? What? Tampax?
Me:    No. Zantac.
Him:  Zithro?
Me:    No. Zamfir.
Him:  *blink blink*
Me:    Yanno? The dude with the panflute.
Him:  *blink blink*

Portmanteau a la Minute

Cuntfrontational
adjective
Definition:
A state of conflict between two people where one (or both parties) person is being over-the-top nasty, far more nasty than the confrontation calls for.

You Might Be An Asshole If

You might be an asshole if...  
While accusing someone ELSE of being an "asshole" about food (then back pedal and call them a snob) you are eating at a banal greasy spoon known for its burgers and soup (a place so chosen because you have boring, provincial taste in food). 

Furthermore, if enjoying TASTY food makes me an asshole, it makes me wonder WTF YOU dine on regularly? Sawdust and Kindergarten paste?

Nonsequitir

Technically, nothing follows; however, this is in response to my previous blog post. 

Shit My Husband Has Said To Me

"Render unto Caesar that which is Caesar's--where's the Rx cough syrup, woman!"

Portmanteau & Nonsequitir

Facon, fake bacon. One of many illusions in the post modern world.

You Might Be An Asshole If

You send me an email or text reply with nothing more than, "K!"

That right there is a conversation ender. No further interaction with YOU today.

Furthermore, 9/10ths of the time that "K!" isn't even necessary. 

Thanks to you, you SINGLE-HANDEDLY have destroyed my enjoyment of texting or emails with this obnoxious little idiosyncrasy.  Not only do I hate talking on the phone with you, I hate non-verbal communication, too! SCORE!