Tuesday, August 27, 2013

So Sayeth Twitter, #1

From Twitter today: 
Your Life Coaches ‏@LIFECOACHERS Only express positive emotions on the Internet, otherwise you'll get one too many heart icons and want to kill yourself for real.

Thursday, August 15, 2013

My Shitty Neighbors: Stroller Edition

Slapping this pic up here for posterity. Yet another example of anti-neighborly, shit bag behaviors, which of course, went without any intervention by the condo board management. Look at all that shit in the hallway. And when it wasn't this shit, then it literally was their garbage or bags of shitty diapers waiting to go out to the dumpster. And of course, these assholes came and left without so much as the management darkening their doorstep, yet, guess who got a $25 fine for a SINGULAR PLANT STAND? Yep. You guessed right. FUCK ME RUNNING. I hate this fucking place.

End note: Our building's "fairy godmother" who goes around getting all the proxies from those of us who are unable to attend condo board meetings is STILL AGHAST over the fact I was fined for my fucking plant stand. At least I'm not alone in my righteous indignation.

You Might Be An Asshole If...

If you are a driver for Splendid Taxi in White Plains, New York, you are no doubt an asshole of royal proportions. Smooth move there, Exlax!, trying to change lanes while ASTRIDE. Inquiring minds want to know, who the fuck did you pay off to take the written exam for your driver's license? Every last one of you are a menace on the road. Fuck you!

My Shitty Neighbors: Coney Island Whitefish Edition

Several summers ago, several "Coney Island Whitefish" were strewn about our condo, and this one, coincidentally, had taken up residence in my shrubbery (aka BOXwood). Yeah, this was not a quality of life issue in the condo, warranting a knock on the door by the Bucktoothed Bitch (TM) or warranting the dispensing of fines. Yeah. Big bloated bags of rancifying DNA, aka BIOHAZARDS, yeah. Yet one more example of the ineptitude of our condo management, yet my pretty kurtas hanging to dry for a scant half hour on a dry breezy day in the summer is the REAL quality of life issue that demands immediate attention. FUCK THESE PEOPLE.

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Shit My Husband Says

Last night after I was admiring the near-prehensile nature of his feet, he replied, "I'm ambiFOOTerous."

Monday, August 12, 2013

Life Lessons I've Learned From Tony Soprano, #6

Those who want respect, give respect.

So Sayeth the Soprano,

(Season 2: The Knight in White Satin Armor)

Thursday, August 1, 2013

Life Lessons I've Learned from Tony Soprano, #5

Tony: (to Dr. Melfi) Don't be stupid, even in the short term.

So Sayeth the Soprano,

Season 1, Episode 13