Shit I've Said To My Husband

(This nugget is from November 2009.)

Him: [said something amusing] *Bah dum bump!*
Me: Rim Shot!
Him: I thought that meant licking someone’s ass?
Me: No. That’s *RIM JOB.*

Workplace What-the-Fuckery: Refrigerator Edition #1

You might be an asshole if:

You think that leaving this frozen soda can carnage in a shared workplace freezer is acceptable.

Shit My Husband Has Said To Me

(In direct relation to the previous blog post, btw.)

""If you ever want to have sex with me again, STFU."

No Good Can Ever Come From

Informing my husband that I'm MERELY THINKING about collecting my urine to conduct an EXPERIMENT to see if it'd work to balance out the pH on my scalp.

Trust me on this one. I need to just keep that information to myself.

Protip

Gentlemen:  No good can ever come from saying to your loved one (on Valentine's Day, no less), "Hey! Grrr!! What's that smell? Do you need the bathroom?" (Uh, no thanks. It's actually my broccoli in my take home container.)  You will NOT get your ticket punched to enter Tunatown (TM). Trust me.

Portmanteau a la Minute

"PTGD" Post-traumatic gifting disorder
Noun.
Definition: State of being so underwhelmed by someone's response (and utter lack of appreciation or gratitude) to receiving your handmade gift.

Shit My Husband Has Said To Me

Husband: "It seems you're just crocheting just to crochet at this point."

Me: "I fail to see the problem."