Friday, July 27, 2018

Maven's Workplace Commandments

In no particular order:

1. Be nice to everyone, until or unless they prove they don't deserve it;

2. Always appear to be busy (make your work expand to the allotted time allowed for the task);

3. Have a sense of humor about things (especially the mundane and absurd!);

4. Don't poke the crazy (but if you must, do so with an audience);

5. Never volunteer! (Mo' projects = mo' headaches);

6. Never forget with whom you are dealing (every workplace has its share of ass kissers, backstabbers, slackers and gossips--never forget that, and don't expect them to act any differently when your back is turned!);

7. Smile (it will keep the assholes guessing what you're up to);

8. Always keep a stash of headache medication, chocolate, Glade, bandaids and crazy glue at your desk (yes, you WILL need this!);

9. Never slack off more than the most obvious slacker in the office;

10. When things get rough, shift it into neutral (and if that doesn't work, use chocolate, booze or Rx happy pills just to deal with it).

Warm weather provision:

There should be a tacit "3 p.m. White Russian" coffee run for a few select co-workers, whereby we "indulge" a bit, and take the edge off during the 3 p.m. slump. Good times.

No comments:

Post a Comment

What sayeth thou? (Mean people suck, don't fuck it up.)

"I hate people."
"People" stop being "people" when they become friends.
Friends stop being friends when they become assholes.
So to refine my hatred, I hate people and I hate assholes.