In no particular order:
1. Be nice to everyone, until or unless they prove they don't deserve it;
2. Always appear to be busy (make your work expand to the allotted time allowed for the task);
3. Have a sense of humor about things (especially the mundane and absurd!);
4. Don't poke the crazy (but if you must, do so with an audience);
5. Never volunteer! (Mo' projects = mo' headaches);
6. Never forget with whom you are dealing (every workplace has its share of ass kissers, backstabbers, slackers and gossips--never forget that, and don't expect them to act any differently when your back is turned!);
7. Smile (it will keep the assholes guessing what you're up to);
8. Always keep a stash of headache medication, chocolate, Glade, bandaids and crazy glue at your desk (yes, you WILL need this!);
9. Never slack off more than the most obvious slacker in the office;
10. When things get rough, shift it into neutral (and if that doesn't work, use chocolate, booze or Rx happy pills just to deal with it).
Warm weather provision:
There should be a tacit "3 p.m. White Russian" coffee run for a few select co-workers, whereby we "indulge" a bit, and take the edge off during the 3 p.m. slump. Good times.